Tag Archives: Faking News

Maharashtra government plans restrictions on horn, attracts sharp criticism.

Pune, Satire News, September 28, 2015: The Maharashtra government yesterday revealed the possibilities of measuring the amount of sound that a car’s horn makes and to put a limit on it. After banning the writing of the iconic phrase “Horn OK Please” behind the trucks in Maharashtra last May, the state government seems to be in a serious mission to HORNbanminimize sound pollution in its cities.

While attending a press conference here in Pune, a state transport official said that the government is mulling over the possibility of measuring the amount of sound that a vehicle’s horn makes each day. If this exceeds the maximum permissible amount of sound, a fine will be imposed on the driver of the vehicle. Refusing to comment about how they are planning to implement this rule, the official said, “This is still an idea. We are researching on the various aspects of it, and as soon as we arrive at a conclusion, you shall come to know.”

This proposition has, however, attracted sharp criticism from the opposition and a section of the citizens. The leader of opposition, Raul Gandi said that it is yet another example of how the ruling party is exploiting the farmers. “This is a government of cars. We need a government of bullocks, of plows, of farms, of water, of RTI, of woman empowerment. We do not need this government of suits and boots.” Mr. Gandi added.

While attending a rally in protest of politicization of FTII, the political leader Yoga Yadav said that it is a sheer violation of personal liberty. “The government is again stepping on our toes. Meat ban, Horn OK Please ban, and now horn ban? This ban culture should not be encouraged at any cost. I am flabbergasted at this atrocious behavior of the government. It must be condemned in the strongest way possible.”

The All Arobindo Party chief Mr. Arobindo Paltuwal took to Twitter to express his dissatisfaction over this issue – “Please let us honk; we are honking well. BTW, #KKPK is fun!” he tweeted.

We spoke to citizens from many areas of the city to know their reaction. While the senior citizens welcomed this move as a radical solution to the raising problem of noise pollution and impatient drivers, the younger generation is visibility upset with the news. “Why do you think I installed this 10 sound horn in my Activa? What the F***, bro!?” A youth yelled.

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This is a satirical post, and of course, a work of fiction. You are not that dumb, are you?

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FM channel plays for 15 minutes without a break, takes the city by storm

Pune: On its inaugural day today, a Pune based FM radio channel, Radio Revolution, took the city by storm when it played back to back songs for 15 minutes. While the employees of the city’s IT companies, who travel each day by their office cabs, welcomed the move by the channel and vowed to provide all the support it needs, Pune owners of the radio stations (POTRS) threatened to take action against the channel for violating Radio Neutrality.

When we asked Mahesh Garg, an employee of one of City’s renowned IT company, he said, “As usual, I took the office cab today and stuffed my earphones to avoid the irritating radio. At first, I thought people were happy because it’s a Friday, but soon I realized the sensation- the FM channel is not playing any advert for 15 minutes! Can you believe it?! Whole 15 minutes! And the RJs didn’t speak an English-accented Marathi; they in fact spoke in the same language, instead of using 3 languages in one sentence. It is phenomenal. We all are planning to listen to Radio Revolution for the whole day to show our support. We’ll also take the complaint back, which we had submitted to the HR department to remove FM receivers from office cabs.”

Similar euphoria was seen among the cab drivers too. “They (the employees) shout at us to turn off the radio. Today they told us to even make it louder. I’m going to install two more woofers,” said Gangaram Dhotre, popularly known as Dada.

Among all the hysteria about Radio Revolution, Mr. Bhagwan Jain, president of POTRS told us that the association is going to submit a memorandum to the central I&B minister. “This is a violation of Radio Neutrality. They must broadcast at least 30 ads in 15 minutes, and speak 3 languages- Marathi, Hindi, and English- all in the same sentence. They must keep these standards. If they continue this practice, we’ll start a massive protest against this channel. We’ve already started an online petition in change.org to ban this channel. Once we have enough signatures, we’ll submit the same to the central minister of I&B. This is no joke. Nobody can just come and steal our business.”

Radio Revolution has not yet provided any official statement. Going by their punchline- entertainment unlimited- this whole issue is sure to provide some good entertainment in the coming days.

BREAKING: After Bangladesh, Assam to give away its land to Nagaland, Arunachal Pradesh, and Meghalaya

Guwahati: In a press conference here today, Chief Minister Tarun Gogoi congratulated the central government and expressed his gratitude for making the Indo-Bangladesh land deal a reality. “We already have a significant number of Bangladeshi people in Assam. Their contribution to the Assamese society- our culture, population, jobs, economy- is immense. It’s time we acknowledge their contribution, and hand over the land they want. Personally, I do not believe in borders. We should do away with these borders; they create a lot of trouble. Also, the Bangladeshi people are soon expected to become the majority of population in Assam. Hence, the most sensible thing to do in such a situation is to hand over the land to Bangladesh and let them do what they want.” Mr. Gogoi said.

Several political and nationalist organizations carried out rallies to protest the land deal. One organization has already called for Assam bandh, while the others wait for their turn. Commenting on the protests, Mr. Gogoi said, “They are not getting the true meaning of this deal. And no, it was not formulated by the BJP government. It was a dream of the Congress party to hand over Assam to Bangladesh. In the process, we have already invited so many Bangladeshi people to Assam. We provided them all the support they needed, we helped them rehabilitate. It was a process in progress. When the new government came to power in the center, they too initially didn’t realize the big picture. Thankfully, after a lot of coaxing, they finally understood how important it is to handover Assam’s land to Bangladesh. It is the only solution to the “Bangladeshi Problem”, citing which many people did politics in the state. But no party could come up with any solution. The BJP is merely implementing what we had formulated. It’s time for the truth, no more politicization of a non-issue.”Current map of Assam

On asking how he plans to tackle the other border disputes in the state, the Chief Minister said, “This deal has opened new doors to us. We must embrace the changes and proceed in peace and harmony to resolve all the disputes with our neighboring states. Since a long time we are facing violent land disputes at the Jorhat – Nagaland border where the Naga people want to occupy certain areas of Assam. That area is very near to my birthplace, and it pains me to see the people fight and suffer over these unfortunate disputes. In the past, we have also seen land disputes with Arunachal Pradesh and Meghalaya. Our government is committed to the people of Assam, and it’s painful to see them suffering. Therefore, we have drafted a proposal to the central government that we want to give away the entire land of Assam to the neighboring states in a first come first serve basis. Apart from Arunachal Pradesh, Nagaland, and Meghalaya, we will also request the West Bengal government to claim the western part of Assam.”

Talking about the strategy for the 2016 elections, Mr. Gogoi said, “There is no need for any strategy. The people of Assam know that we are the only party working to resolve their problems. One of the founding principles of A.G.P was to resolve the Bangladesh problem. Could they do anything? No. Even the BJP did not have any clue about how to resolve the problem. It is only because of the foresightedness and brilliance of the Congress leaders that today we have achieved such an exemplary solution to the long standing problem of Assam. We will come to power again. I’ll not leave until we are done giving away all the lands and dissolve Assam. I’ll be the last Chief Minister of Assam. That is also an important matter.”

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This is a satirical article, written to present some burning issues of Assam on a lighter note. This is not intended to demean any person, party, or any institution/system in any manner.