Nothing in this post is logically arranged or neatly written. I request you not to follow this one. I was feeling like writing and so I am typing whatever is coming to my mind randomly. You have been warned! I actually wanted to write some poem or whatever not-so-rhyming short texts I used to write. But I’m not able to write anything now. I guess the pain is not that copious till now. (Really? BTW, how much pain do you need to write a poem- something to figure out! )
Just when I stopped talking about Lucifer and returned to ‘Him’, he turned my whole world upside down. Even in my most horrible nightmare I had not seen this situation that I am going through! Or it is itself a nightmare? But then, will it ever end? Oh Mr. Sandman, please help me out!
Talking about dreams, it just occurred that I really dream rarely these days. Really, I don’t remember having a dream in ages. Does that mean that I always have the most profound sleep? Lucky dude! Whatever it is, last night I had the most beautiful dream that I could have in this desperation. But then I woke up! I wanted to dream that dream many times before, but not getting it. that makes me think- what if we could control our dreams- what I want to see and what I don’t, just like the 11 pm movie! But again, when the sweetest dreams end and you realize that it was nothing but a dream and you cannot really help to get back whatever you have lost, then you have the worst feeling. You won’t even get a good sleep after that. When something goes terribly wrong, it does not matter how many times you shout James Blunt’s “I won’t lose a sleep on that coz I’ve got a plan”, but you actually have no plan B. You can never have a plan B! At least, for me there was never a “Plan B”. I’m gonna lose a lot of sleep on that and it’s like an infinite loop, unless someone comes out of pity and inserts a “break” into the code!
Damn! What’s wrong with me?? What am I writing!
Okay, here I would contradict my generalization that even the most beautiful dreams leave us with the worst feeling. They always don’t, I agree. But sometimes they do, and it is the most frustrating moment when you wake up. That’s why nightmares are better- you feel bad when you are having one, but as soon as you wake up, you feel so relaxed! And I’m talking about that relief- Aah! Have some water, light a cigarette if you want and go back to sleep. They are good, of course until you start having them regularly. I used to have some real scary dreams during my childhood; like I’m being hunted or being constricted by a huge snake-like creature or I’m being butchered and sorts, being hunted down were the most common ones. And of course, after I passed out of college, I saw a dream many a times- after three years of graduation; I’m going to collect my degree certificate only to know that I have a lot of back-papers! How absurd, but it used to scare the crap out of me! They say, you do not become an engineer unless you get a backlog. I followed this saying and did manage to get some those days. But it was in a “controlled manner”:P , never abundant (interpretations may vary)! And apart from yesterday’s dream, the second best dream that I had in recent times was about 1 and a half years back- the one where Metallica was performing live on a cliff exclusively for me. It really did leave me with an awesome feeling when I woke up. And so I still remember it, vividly. But when I woke-up yesterday, I was really dismayed. So which one is a better dream to dream- that which leave me with the ‘bestest’ feeling, or that which leaves with the ‘sadest’ feeling? Or should there be any other categorization of dreams as “dreams that leave you with happiness” and “dreams that leave you with desperation” rather than simply “Nightmares” and “Good Dreams” (whatever the antonym is)!