Paranoid

I don’t remember when I first heard the song Paranoid; but once I did, it instantly became like an anthem for me! I relate so very much to each and every word of the whole lyrics!

“People think that I’m insane
Because I’m frowning all the time”

But why do I frown all the time? Yes, WHY DO I? I guess it is almost as tough a question as “How much do you love me?” But then again, if you are in the right mood; the stars and the oceans are there to help you out of such situations. Give her the crap about the uncountable stars in the sky or the depth of the oceans. She will be the happiest. A poem will even do better.  So it can also be answered. But the main question still remains- why do I frown all the time? Whenever I think about it, like a chain reaction, it leads to another question- I like such songs so much because I frown all the time or I frown all the time because I like such songs so much? Again that ain’t any easier to answer.

“I cannot see the things that make
true happiness, I must be blind!”

Yes, it is exactly what I am thinking right now. I had my set of reasons to be unhappy about, but life has been giving contradictory answers to that problem every now-and-then and finally I am left with few reason to support my obsession with unhappiness!

My habit of frowning actually started when I got admitted into my college and got hooked to ‘the habit’. We, me and my special circle of friends, stopped finding temporary happiness in watching the ‘birds’ in the college campus on evenings or spending hours with them in the canteen. We were seeking ‘Nirvana’, and revolt was the only language we understood. But alas! Nobody understands that! If I talk about Che Guevara, they make a dumb-face and ask who the hell he is! Even many a ‘funky’ ones, wearing a Che-Tee do not know about him. Damn! Hanging by the neck is unlawful!! Some of them did know the spelling of revolt and had also joined the league of our extraordinary gentlemen. But they were as fake as the Roadies contestants. They succumbed just like the trio in 5 Point Someone.  But we never did. Whatever the situation was! Does that make us heroes? No- that makes us fools in the daylight! So it might be the regret or the stubbornness to accept that we are actually fools to let go the opportunity galore, which makes us unhappy at all the time. But again here is a contradictory philosophy of mine to the reason stated above- I feel that our life is just like a day. If you wake up at noon, that does not mean that you won’t be able to catch up with the early risers for the late night movie. Agreed, they might get the privilege to relax and freshen up before the movie, which you might not get. But who cares, you enjoyed your morning. So be it.

So at this juncture of life, I feel that I actually have no concrete reasons to be so unhappy about and I have no right to waste this space and your time with such garbage. I am convinced that you are right and I am a paranoid. Nevermind, I am seeking ‘Nirvana’ again and this time I have the Old Monk to guide my way. Cheers!

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