Monthly Archives: October 2009

FW:

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: “Kd”
To:
Date: Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:22:20 +0530
Subject: Corporate Lesson 1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, Jumped on the rabbit… and ate it.

Moral of the story is….
To be sitting and doing nothing you must be sitting very, very high up.
🙂

-K

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: “Kd”
To:
Date: Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:30:22 +0530
Subject: Corporate Lesson 2

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
“I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer who promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
🙂
K

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: “Kd”
To:
Date: Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:41:13 +0530
Subject: Corporate Lesson 3

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

The morals of this story are:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut

🙂
K

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: “Kd”
To: “Manash Baruah”
Date: Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:29:47 +0530
Subject: Murphy’s Laws

Murphy’s laws:
•If anything can go wrong, it will
•Corollary: It can
•Corollary: It should
•MacGillicuddy’s Corollary: At the most inopportune time
•Extension: it will be all your fault, and everyone will know it.
•Extension sent by Dean A. Izett If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
•Extreme version:
•If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the FIRST to go wrong
•Extreme version sent by Neal Miller If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop
•Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking the fix on one or more of the others
•Corollary sent by Sean Cheshire Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
•Corollary: The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.
•Corollary sent by Dave M. Mother nature is a bitch
•Addendum: and not an obedient one at that
•Addendum sent by Paul Kekanovich Murphy’s Law of Thermodynamics
•Things get worse under pressure. The Murphy Philosophy

Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse. Quantization Revision of Murphy’s Laws
•Everything goes wrong all at once. Murphy’s Constant
•Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value

The miserable ‘modern’ life!

My TL was bugging me big time for a ‘plot’, or rather, a story for her short-film. Finally I gave in, and agreed to “try” something. The following is what I came up with after 2 hours of unofficial office-work; needless to say, it didn’t make it to any sort of adaptation. Here is for you to read 🙂 By the way, it absolutely does not have any resemblance to any person dead or alive.

1

[Boy sitting in front of HR girl] HR: Congrats, Siddharth; you have been selected for the post. Your monthly salary will be 10000 per month for first 3 months, i.e. your probation period; and will be increased to 12000 after successful completion of the same. Please read the offer letter and sign it if you agree.

[Boy comes out of the room, excited. Takes out his mobile and dials a number. The screen freezes and narration begins to describe his attitude or his professional details (with a little humorous tone maybe) ]

2

After 6 months [Siddharth (Sid) and 4-5 other guys are sitting in a bar] [Standing, raising a glass]

Sid: This evening is for my love, Sunaina! She is doing BE and her result was declared a week ago. She topped in her college! This is not all, she got placed in a PSU through campus recruitment. [Everyone stands up and raises the toast with a roar “cheers”] [Everyone busy talking to each other and laughing.]

Friend 1: Sid, are you happy with everything? I mean your job and all?

Sid: Beggars cannot be choosers! And you know how I’ve completed my Engineering. So yes, I’m happy! I must be happy. Carpe diem is my motto. Seize the day. Live for the moment. “Eat, drink and be merry…for tomorrow we may diet”

Another friend to all: “Aaj mere paas naukri hai, paisa hai, do-do mobile-phone hai, bike hai, girlfriend hai…tumhare paas kya hai…?”

Sid: “Mere paas RUM hai…” [Everyone laughs, mobile rings, he goes out. Someone shouts from behind “you rock, man!”]

Sid on phone: Hey darling!

: I need to discuss something serious with you.

: But I’m with my friends, at a party.

: Mere liye rishta aya hai.

: Toh itna serious hone ko kya hai honey. Bol do na ke tum mere ho [smirk]

: Sid! Please be serious! How can I tell my parents about ‘us’ until you get a good job. Try to understand! Please do a master degree na…an MBA? Please…mere khatir…humare khatir?

: Don’t give me that crap! I expect you to love me as I am. Don’t try to change me, please! And I would appreciate if you don’t spoil my evening further. I guess we can discuss that tomorrow also![cuts the line] [Sid returns to table and gulps one whole glass]

Friend1 asks [worried]: “Any problem, Sid?”

[Sid sings, eventually everyone joins] “we don’t need no education, we don’t need no thought control. No dark sarcasm in the class room, teachers leave the kids alone. Hey! Teachers, leave them kids alone. All in all it’s just another brick in the wall…”

3

[Sid enters his rented flat drunk. Lies on his bed. His room-mate is searching bed-bugs]

Sid: Kya dhund raha hai? Khatmal? Kitna khatmal marega? Sab ek ek khatmal hai…school me khatmal…college me khatmal…office me khatmal…society me khatmal…ab toh saala ghar me bhi khatmal…[laughs]…mein bhi ek khatmal…tu bhi ek…[falls into sleep, screen becomes dark]

4

[phone rings (screen still dark)…Sid wakes up…”sunlight” fills the room]

Sid: Haan bolo…

: Sid…please MBA kar lo na…mere khatir… nahito mein kya bolungi ghar me…

: [with a smirk]Bol do ki BTech Computer hai.

: But they expect more!

: What do YOU expect? Or rather, want?

: I want everyone to be happy

: And I am the scapegoat? Does everyone in this God damned world do an MBA?

: Please Sid! Try to understand..it’s for OUR well being!

: See darling, how much money does one need to run a family? We both will be earning, and that will be enough for us. So suddenly why is this issue? I don’t wanna drive a Marc! damn it!

: But my parents! They won’t accept this!

: What do they want? Their daughter’s happiness or son-in-law’s degree? Does a degree guarantee happiness?

: But I cannot go against them!

: And I cannot go against myself! Does my love has no value? Is an MBA more valuable for you or your parents than my love?

: Then you are not going to do MBA?

: Ans my question first! Is an MBA more valuable for you than my love?

:[silent] [screen goes black…names scroll]

:[shouting]ANSWER ME!

[she cuts the line, a sound of beep remains.]

Snapshots

Snapshot 1: My sister is 6 years elder to me. She belongs to the class of people who can study religiously (I don’t understand how they do that!). Anyway, she always wanted to be a doctor, like my father. And after her 12th, she took a break of 1 year to prepare for the JAT (State level test for admission into govt. Engineering and Medical colleges in Assam). But she missed it by 3-4 marks. She was crestfallen. I don’t know she cried or not that day, but I do know that she cried the next day. She cried out of anger when she saw the merit list on the local news paper- a guy with 1/10thof her marks got called for the MBBS program, because according to our constitution, he belongs to a ‘backward’ community, and so he should be given some privilege!

What a fucking joke!

Snapshot 2: Sometime in September, I went with a friend to register for the CAT. When I went through the fee-details, I saw that it was 1400 Rs for me and something around 700-750 Rs for him. Goes without saying that he belongs to the ‘privileged’ community!
Anyways, I shall be writing 4 MBA entrance tests this time, and as per my estimate, to register for all of them and to apply to the colleges coming under these will cost me something around 20 grand! Yes, twenty fucking thousand!! But if I were from the ‘privileged’ community, it would cost me at least 50% less, plus certain number of reserved seats, plus a handsome discount in fees.

What a fucking joke!

Snapshot 3: <Content censored!>

The Maiden Blog

My first blog post! Starting with some poems, off the “archive”  🙂

Tumi
————
Muk xonmuhito kore,
Tumar byoktityoi,
Tumar sokuwe,
Aru Tumar hahiye.
Jidore sonmuhito kore
Puwar niyore,
Ratir tora bhora akaxe,
Aru purnimar juntuwe.
Pise,
Muk etiya xokoluwe upodekh diye,
Tumak pahoriboloi…
Tumi henu mur kolpona !
Kintu kenekoi bujau moi,
Tumi je xopun nohoi,
Othoba ek xadhukotha !
Tumi satya,tumi dithok…
Tumiyei aguri asa muk protipol !

Hridoyor Bigyapon
————————-
Tumi baru biswash koribane,
Moi jodi kou kiman bhal pau tomak,
Tumi baru akuwali lobane
Ketiyaba mur moromok?
Tumi ahile,
Mur iyat bisari paba
Xagoror dore ekhon hridoi,
Ji khon bhori ase moromere,
Kebol tumar babe…
Tumi ahile,
Xani dim tumate
Mur hridoyor xokolu rong,
Bilin hoi jam tumate,
Uposai dim tumak moromere…
Gotike,
Ahibasun ketiyaba
Mur hridoyoloi nami,
Kijani iyate puwa
Tumi bisora xokolukhini!

Suoroni
———————-
Bohu din hol tumak log nupua,
Bhale asane baru tumi?
Bohu din hol tumar exari maat nuxuna,
Asene baru agor dorei Tumar xei muhoniyo hahi?

Tumar baru monot porene ketiyaba muloi,
Ba physics aru Mathematicsor classor
Jotilotare bhora xei muhurto buroloi?

Nischoy nopore !

Kintu tumi janu jana,
Kidore kotau moi pal-anupal?
Kidore kotau moi ujagori rati,
Kebol tumar kothake bhabi !

Jana,tumar dusoku mur khoob priyo,
Etiyao mon jai tumar dusokut dub jaboloi,
Kintu tumar janu mon jai,
Ketiyaba mur xoite exari kotha patibole?

Nischoy najai !

Tothapiu matibasun ketiyaba,
Kothapatim xukh-dukhor,
Khobor lom tomar porha-xunar !
Baru,nepatu diya premor kotha,
Tothapiu matibasun ketiyaba….!

Newtonor Xutra
——————-
Newtonor tritiyo xutra-
Tomar ghrina,mur prem !
Physics henu tomar priyo bixoi?
Biology bhal paisilane?
Jot jibon matro ek tejor xut!
Ketiyaba xihorito hoisilane baru,
Karobar kobita pohi,
Ba prothom boroxunjakot jeka matir gundh loi?
Ghazal henu tumaro priyo…..
Tente oswikar koribo nuwarane ebaroloi
Newtonor xutrar jotharthota…?